Not only did I have a personal knowledge of the Lord, but when I was almost five, I suddenly asked my mom without any prompting, "Mommy? Can we go tell the neighbors about God? I'll tell the neighbors, 'You don't want to love the devil, because he wears black and there's fire in hell.'" I don’t think we actually went to talk to them, but there was that desire in me to evangelize to our neighbors. There were several times as a little girl when my father prayed with me to receive Jesus into my heart. One of those times was on August 3, 2006, when I was five years old. In addition to praying to receive Jesus, my dad laid his hands on me and prayed that I would be baptized in the Holy Spirit. When he did so, I told him that I felt happy.
Almost a year later, on July 15, 2007, my family and I visited a church were my dad preached. During the message, he asked if there was anyone there who had not yet given his life to Jesus. Although I raised my hand, my dad I didn't see it. When my mom brought it up after we had returned home, I acknowledged that I had raised my hand. My answer when my parents asked me the reason why was, "Because I wanted to give my life to Jesus." My parents then prayed with me to invite Jesus into my heart and give my life to Him. A week later, I was baptized in Jesus’ name in the presence of friends and family. That moment marked the most significant change that had happened up until that point in my life.
|Faith (L) and Hope (R)|
Three and a half years later, when I was eleven, my family and I watched a video about two young ladies, one who had gone to hell and another who had seen Jesus. This video brought conviction to us, and we all repented and asked the Lord for forgiveness for our sins. We also asked the Lord to fill us with His Holy Spirit, and He did so. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke in other tongues. This experience was the beginning of the Lord burning away the dross in my life. A week later, on New Year’s Eve, my family and I listened to a book by a South Korean pastor called “Baptized by Blazing Fire.” Through this book we all were encouraged to seek the Lord in prayer. My dad then prayed for me and both of my sisters. I repented of the darkness I had allowed in my heart and was set free. I also received the baptism with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues. My family and I knelt down and prayed earnestly for quite some time. During this time that we spent seeking the Lord, I felt that God had set me free!
After this time we spent in prayer, my family could all see the evidence of this new freedom on my face and in my eyes. They could see a peace in my countenance, and there was a gentleness they could see on me that they had not seen before. My face was aglow with a light upon it. It looked as though scales had been taken from my eyes, and they were now clear and glowing with light. In the period of my life leading up to that point, I had allowed a lot of demons into my life. I had a lot of self-hatred and even entertained suicidal thoughts. But the Lord had begun a work in my life to bring me out of that darkness into the Light. I was still far from perfect, but the Lord was working to purify me from the things in my life that were not of Him. One morning, six months later, my older sister heard me awaken speaking in tongues. I had no idea that just a while before, my younger sister had also awoken speaking in tongues.
Just a few weeks later, on November first, my mother had a word of prophecy for me during our family church meeting, which she spoke over me with tears. The word was, “This coming year of your life, the Lord wants to open your mind to greater understanding, greater revelation, greater knowledge of God, greater love for God, and for others. He wants to unfold your spirit like a flower bud opening up to the light of God.” She then prayed for these words to be fulfilled in my life.
However, even though the Lord was bringing about this work in my life, the devil was also working to bring doubts into my mind. I started to wonder if God really existed and if Jesus had really come to earth and died for me on the Cross and risen again. There also were times when I didn’t feel that God heard me when I prayed. I went through days where I felt down, and didn’t feel like praying at times because of these doubts in my heart. I wanted to believe, and I kept on repenting of my unbelief. There were moments when I was alone when I cried my heart out in total despair because of these thoughts.
During this time, my parents encouraged and counseled me. I remember one particular night where I had been praying alone, and I started to enter into this despair and to cry uncontrollably because of these doubts. My mom heard me, and came into the room where I was. Among other things she told me something like, as the hymn “My Hope Is Built on Nothing Less” says, darkness sometimes hides the Lord’s face, but we just need to trust that He is still there, even when we don’t feel His nearness. My dad came in at some point, and they told me to go lie down and rest, and just “be still and know that He is God.” As I was lying there and resting in the fact that He is God, I felt the Lord’s peace, and I believe it felt as if there was literally a supernatural peace in my chest.
During this period of struggling with doubt, there was one time when I was listening to a replay of a Christian radio program, which had been from the previous Resurrection Sunday weekend. The focus of the program was about Thomas doubting when Jesus rose again from the dead. One of the passages quoted during the program was John 20:27 where Jesus said “Stop doubting and believe.” I felt that God was speaking to me through this to stop doubting.
Each and every one of us has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, no matter how good we may consider ourselves, even if we were raised in a Christian family and never went the way of the world. We all deserve eternal hellfire and torment. However, God loved us so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ into this dark world to die on the cross and take the punishment we deserve. Jesus rose again from the grave, victorious over death, and now reigns at God’s right hand. Jesus is longing for you to forsake your sins, and come follow Him for the rest of your days. If you have never made this decision, I invite you to do so today. Now is the time of God’s favor; now is the day of salvation (2 Cor. 6:2). No matter how young you may be, none of us is promised tomorrow, so this may be your last chance.
Repent of every sin you’ve ever committed, and ask Jesus to forgive you and cleanse your heart as white as snow with His blood. Believe in your heart that Jesus took the penalty for your sins on the cross, and that He rose again. Surrender your whole life to Him, and make Him your Lord and Savior. If you are having doubts about God, I challenge you to cry out sincerely to Him and ask Him to reveal himself to you and help you overcome your unbelief, and He will surely do just that. He will bring you from darkness in his glorious light. I pray I will one day meet you at the throne of God when we reach heaven someday.
Author's Note: If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to read The Truth Set Me Free, My Overflowing Joy in Knowing Jesus, and Lifted Out of a Slimy Pit, which are the testimonies of myself and two of my other children. Also see the Home page of this blog for more testimonies. You are invited to view my collection of blogs at Writing for the Master.
Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus. Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?
“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15). He preached that we must repent and believe.
Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"
Len Lacroix is the founder of Doulos Missions International. He was based in Eastern Europe for four years, making disciples, as well as helping leaders to be more effective at making disciples who multiply, developing leaders who multiply, with the ultimate goal of planting churches that multiply. His ministry is now based in the United States with the same goal of helping fulfill the Great Commission. www.dmiworld.org.